Furry Writers' Guild Forum

Starlight (18+)

WARNING: EXPLICIT SEXUAL CONTENT! 18+ ONLY!

This was actually my first short erotica story, so be gentle, yet honest, haha!
Just tell me what you think about it and what I might improve. Thanks!


The bass pumped through the place, vibrating the very air the people breathed. The club was packed, which wasn’t unusual for a Friday night. It was at least three degrees warmer inside, which could be blamed on the crowd of furs dancing on the dance floor, underneath the black- and neon-light. Between all those furs rubbing against each other, a young tiger tried to make his way to the bar. The boy eeped as he felt a hand on his cute rump, squeezing it gently. He jumped forward a bit and sighed when he finally sat down on the bar stool, hiding his face in his paws.

He ordered a beer and looked into the glass as soon as he got it. This had been a mistake. Once his friends learned of club Starlight, one of the few gay bars in town, they had immediately pushed him into going there. Misha, as the tiger was called, hadn’t wanted to go. He had just gotten out of the closet about half a year ago, and was still getting used to being publically out. He was wearing tight black jeans and a dark blue sweater. Not like the stereotypical flaming gay. No pink, no rainbows.

Just when he was about to drink, someone bumped against him, making him spill some of his beer on his sweater. “H…hey! Watch it!” he said with a clear hint of irritation in his voice. He looked up at the one who had bumped into him, and lost his ability to breathe for a moment as his heart jumped. He found his blue eyes staring into big brown equine ones, belonging to a rather tall black horse. “Sorry, kid, let me buy you a new one,” he said and ordered two beers.

“N…no it’s…it’s okay, really,” Misha said as he looked away shyly. “Too late, tiggy, already ordered, so you better enjoy it,” the horse said with a grin. He had a rather deep voice, not at all unpleasant. The bartender, a rather scarcely clothed fox tapped the beers with great skill. “Here you go, cuties,” he said as he handed the guys the glasses before tending to someone else’s needs. “Here,” the horse said as he handed the beer to Misha, who had quickly finished the other one. “Th…thanks…” the boy said before sipping his beer. “There’s a good boy,” the dark equine said while grinning before drinking. Those words sent blood running to the tiger’s face and ears, turning them a bit red.

“Wh…what’s your name?” the young tiger asked while looking up at the horse. “Jake. And you are?” he asked. “Misha,” the tiger answered. “Misha….Misha…cute name, kid. You up for a dance?” he asked as he put away his glass, which he had downed a second earlier. “Oh uhm…I…I eh…I don’t dance…” he said shyly while looking down at his half-full glass. “Nonsense, get your cute tush on the floor,” Jake said as he took the boy’s paws, dragging him with him, leaving the beer unattended.

Misha had never been a very good dancer, and was happy enough to have a good sense of rhythm. Jake, on the contrary, had some pretty awesome moves. After a bit of showing off, which seemed to loosen the tiger up a bit, the horse moved behind him and placed his hands on Misha’s hips. The boy blushed at the feeling of the somewhat-muscular horse behind him. “Relax…” Jake whispered in Misha’s ears, which caused his blood to rush to his face and ears again. The dark horse swayed his hips from side to side and ensured that Misha would follow his movements by guiding the boy’s hips with his strong hands.

The feline danced with the equine and loosened up more and more, until Jake pulled the boy against his form. Misha froze at the feeling of a rather impressive bulge pressing against his back. Jake moved his paws over the tiger’s chest and stomach while whispering in his ear. “You have a magnificent body hidden under these clothes, Misha. I’d love to have a closer look, if you’d let me.”

Misha’s heart jumped again and the rest of the club ceased to exist. There was only the horse’s voice in his head, the hot breath on his ear, and the strong, yet gentle, hands roaming over his clothed body, scanning the form hidden underneath. “O…okay…” he said softly, somehow not being able to refuse Jake’s voice. He just hoped he wouldn’t regret this later. Jake smiled, quite pleased with your answer, and kept dancing with you for a little while longer.

After having danced enough, Jake led the tiger back to the bar and ordered two more beers. The feline noticed that his previous beer was still standing there, and he picked it up. He brought the glass to his lips and almost poured the gold liquid down his throat when the horse stopped him. He took the glass away and put it away. “Didn’t anyone ever tell you to always keep your eye on your glass? If you lost sight of it, don’t drink from it again. Next thing you know you’re spazzing on the floor because someone spiked your drink,” he explained calmly. The younger tiger blushed and looked down. “Thanks.” “Don’t mention it, tiggy, come on,” he said and took the boy’s paw, taking him with him while holding the beer in his free paw. Misha quickly took his beer with him and followed.

The two guys walked through the club, around the dance floor, and through a door which was labelled ‘private’. Jake led Misha through a narrow hallway, before entering a door, through which they entered a rather romantic-looking bedroom. The carpet was black and very soft. There were no closets or desks, except for two small cabinets on either side of a huge king-sized bed with a black metal frame and a thick bouncy mattress, which was covered with beautiful red silk.

“W…wow…is it…okay for us to be here?” Misha asked while looking around. Jake moved in front of the cat and stroked his waist and hips. “I know the owner. It’s fine. We won’t be disturbed here,” he said softly before very slowly pulling off Misha’s sweater. The tiger blushed brightly, but didn’t resist as the horse revealed his athletic body. The equine snorted and smiled. “Very nice…” he said softly while looking down at him. “Take off my shirt, Misha,” he said. The striped feline nodded and slowly pulled off the horse’s shirt. He had to stand up on the tips of his toes to be able to do this. Jake took advantage of this and swept Misha off his feet, taking him in his arms. He smiled and slowly lay down on the bed, holding the tiger on top of him.

“You’re as light as feather,” the equine spoke softly into the cat’s ear a split second after spotting a hint of doubt in the tiger’s beautiful blue eyes. The feline didn’t know what to do next, how to react, or how to move. Luckily, Jake seemed to know exactly what he was doing. He breathed his hot breath on Misha’s ear and slowly slid his hands into the boy’s tight, yet stretchy, trousers. The strong hands rested on that beautiful bubble butt. He couldn’t resist giving that delicious rump a firm squeeze, causing the young boy to let out a moan. “Oh yes, moan for me, kitten. I want to hear how much you like this,” Jake spoke softly. That deep voice sent shivers down his spine. It seemed to resonate through his entire body. The cat whimpered softly as his trousers were getting awfully tight right about then.

It was as if the horse could read his mind when he sat up a few seconds later. He lay down on his back, while Misha stood in front of the bed, looking very unsure of his current situation. “Hmmmrrr…oh yes. Undress for me, Misha. I want you to show me that you want this,” he said and slowly unbuttoned his tight jeans. He spread his legs and pulled them down halfway, the trousers lay idly around his knees now. He reached into his boxers, and pulled out the longest dick Misha had ever seen in real life. It was as black as obsidian, as hard as steel, and easily as big as his own forearm. Suddenly, the young tiger felt very self-conscious.

The large horse started stroking himself while looking at him, clearly expecting him to take off his clothes by now. The feline blushed brightly and slowly took off his clothes, revealing bright blue briefs that were tenting because of obvious reasons. As soon as he bent over to take them off, Jake stopped him. “No no, leave them on, cutie. Come here,” he commanded. Misha blushed and climbed back on the bed, wanting to snuggle up to the man. Jake took him in his arms and kissed him softly before taking his paw, placing it onto the head of his manhood. “Don’t worry, it doesn’t bite. Say hello, Misha,” he spoke softly while smiling at you. The tiger looked at your cock and moved his fingers a bit. He looked back at Jake, who raised a brow. The boy swallowed once and looked at the rod again. “H…h…hello,” he said awkwardly.

The tiger felt a hand on his head and purred softly as he leaned his head back against it. “Good boy, Misha,” Jake praised him. “Now, give it a kiss,” he said. The boy blushed brightly, but did as he was told. He kissed the tip of that beautiful obsidian shaft, and looked up at Jake, his blue eyes staring into those chocolate ones. “Good…but I think you can do better than that,” the equine said while petting the boy. The tiger knew what was asked of him, and he happily obliged. He threw his embarrassment out the window, and eagerly licked the shaft’s head, lapping up the pearly bead of pre-cum that had formed there. He moved all the way down, licking every spot he could reach, before nuzzling Jake’s balls. He pressed his nose against them and inhaled strongly, taking in the horse’s intoxicating musk.

Having done that, it was as if someone freed him from his restraints. He lapped at the heavy orbs and kissed his way up to the tip again, before taking it into his muzzle, opening his mouth as much as he could, to fit it in nicely, being careful with his sharp teeth. The horse was positively loving it, as he kept snorting and groaning. The occasional “oh yeah” and “that’s it, boy” encouraged the tiger. Misha took in a bit more of that delicious horse cock, and started bobbing his head along the length, using his rough tongue to stimulate the head. Jake snorted again and leaked more pre than before. He took the boy’s head in his hands and held it there while thrusting up into the boy’s muzzle. “Oh yeah…t…take it, you little kitten. Hmpff!” he groaned. Misha surrendered to the equine’s needs and just held his muzzle open, focusing on not gagging, as the head was almost punching the back of his throat. He moaned around the shaft and reached down to stroke himself. This was turning him on more than he thought it would. Being dominated by a strong horse like Jake felt absolutely wonderful. He already knew what the subject of his dreams and fantasies would be from now on.

The young boy was ripped out of his short trance, as Jake was fucking his muzzle faster and harder than before, causing the tiger to moan louder. It didn’t take more than a few seconds, before Jake’s hot quivering member unleashed its warm fertile seed into Misha’s muzzle, pouring it right down his throat. This was way more than he could handle, and he gagged and coughed, causing some of the cum to run down his chin, slowly dribbling onto his chest. Jake pulled back and panted, before gently stroking the tiger’s cheek. “Are you okay, Misha?” he asked. He sounded genuinely worried. The young boy looked up at the horse, and presented him with the cutest and most innocent smile ever, contrasting sharply with the sheer amount of cum present in and on the boy’s body. He nodded and snuggled up to the horse.

Jake stroked Misha’s waist and side before moving his hand to the cat’s muzzle. He collected some seed on his fingers, and moved his paw between the boy’s legs, spreading them slowly before moving his fingers over his tailhole, lubing him up with his equine spunk. The young cat moaned and squirmed because of the horse’s ministrations. Jake slowly slipped his middle finger into the boy, drawing beautiful and melodic moans from him. The sound waves went directly to his limp cock, which quickly filled with blood again. He was sporting an erection in five seconds flat.

He fingered the boy nicely and gently, wanting him to get used to the feeling of being penetrated. Once he felt the time was right, he inserted his index finger as well, drawing louder moans from the cat. Jake grinned and snorted once. He moved the tiger a bit, so the boy was on all fours, facing his black cock. Misha started licking it immediately, as if trying to get his mind off of his tailhole for now. Well, Jake just wouldn’t accept that, and added his ring finger, drawing new and louder moans from Misha again. The tiger couldn’t stand it. It was simply too much for his inexperienced mind to process. He needed to be fucked. Right then! He crawled away from the horse, moaning and sighing as the fingers slipped out of his hole. He moved onto all fours and wiggled his rump to tease the equine. “Please…f…fuck me. I…I want you so badly, Jake! Please!” he begged.

That gesture and those words caused the equine member to throb violently. Jake snorted and got up. He stroked his cock, still slick with the cat’s saliva, and added his own to it for good measure. He looked at the boy’s slightly-gaping hole and smirked. He positioned his cock and pressed it against . The head popped in, and he pushed in slowly. Jake groaned as the tight ring of muscle clenched down tightly around his shaft. The tiger clawed at the bed and hissed. He felt as if he was being torn apart down there. “Aah! Ouch! Hmmff!” he whimpered and trembled slightly, tears rolling down his cheeks. He wasn’t ready for this after all.
Jake noticed this and slowly pulled out. He stroked the boy’s rump and turned him around. He whipped the tears away, and kissed the tiger sweetly, yet passionately. “Let’s try something else,” he said and brought his muzzle to Misha’s ear, whispering softly. The tiger’s eyes grew big and his jaw dropped slightly, while a blush spread across his face.

The large horse moved onto all fours and lifted his tail. He looked over his shoulder and smirked. “Well? What’re you waiting for?” he asked. Misha moved behind him and gently lubed up Jake’s tailhole with his saliva. Not with his fingers, oh no, the boy bent over and buried his muzzle between those lovely butt cheeks. He lapped at the horse’s pucker, and made sure to get him slick and wet all over. Jake moaned and smiled as he enjoyed this treatment. “Oh yeah…such a good tiger you are. Now, why don’t you get to what we just discussed, hmm?” he suggested. Misha nodded and stood up on the bed. He got down on his haunches, to get his cock in the right position. He poked the dark tailhole with it a few times, before finding the courage to push against it, slowly pushing it inside of the large equine.

Jake murred and groaned softly as he felt that hot rod slowly being pressed inside of him. It didn’t go fast enough for the horse, so he thrust his hips backwards, impaling himself on that firm length. Misha moaned loudly and clawed at the larger male’s hips, trembling a little because of the sensations coursing through his body. “Go on, boy. I’m not made of glass,” Jake encouraged him. The tiger blushed again and started thrusting into the horse, letting his instincts take over. Doing so enabled him to do this more easily. There was nothing holding him back now. Misha moved slowly at first, before picking up speed, ending with him slamming his member into that dark hole over and over at an amazing speed. Jake was groaning and moaning while clenching the sheets in his hands. He was enjoying this way too much, and the electric waves of pleasure made sure he couldn’t even talk right then. This would not last much longer.

They were both leaking like crazy, making penetration easier for Misha, while Jake dirtied the bed beneath him. “Aah! Aah! AAAAH!! HMMFF!!” Misha moaned loudly as his body tensed up and trembled. He squirted rope after rope of his feline cum into the horse’s body, painting his inner walls white. He panted heavily and kneaded Jake’s firm ass, before spanking him. This surprising action actually sent the equine over the edge. He groaned and snorted, before whinnying, as he unleashed his seed all over the bed, shooting it as far as possible. His muscled clenched down on the boy’s cock, and milked him expertly. Jake lay down on his side, moving away from his mess, and took the cat down with him.

The tiger was purring happily, basking in his blissful afterglow. The regrets he’d had about coming to club Starlight were all gone by then. It seemed so silly that he was actually afraid of going. Misha moved to Jake’s front and snuggled up in his big, strong arms. He nuzzled the equine’s neck and gently stroked his chest. Jake smiled warmly and stroked the tiger’s back and butt, caressing him lovingly.

They walked out of the bar about half an hour later. The horse took the tiger into a tight embrace, and slipped a card into the boy’s back pocket. “You’d better call me, cutie, or I just might go looking for you,” he whispered in Misha’s ear, before letting go and walking away, not looking back at the boy. The feline admired that strong back and lovely rump, until Jake was out of sight. He took a deep breath and sighed before grinning to himself. That night had been one of the best nights he’d had for as long as he could remember. He couldn’t stop thinking about Jake while walking home. Once he reached his apartment, half an hour later, he took the card out of his pocket and took out his phone. He dialled the number and held it to his ear. He understood that it was ridiculous for him to be calling already, but he just couldn’t wait. The call was answered by a familiar deep voice. “Hello?” Misha felt a pleasant shiver run down his spine, and giggled softly before answering. “Hi…it’s me…”

Looks and reads like an adaptation of a MUCK fuck session into a short story, unfortunately. Most glaringly:

Jake smiled, quite pleased with [b]your[/b] answer, and kept dancing with you for a little while longer.
The tiger looked at [b]your[/b] cock and moved his fingers a bit.

Don’t do this. Presuming this came from an RP log, taking logs and trying to adapt them is at best plagiarism and appropriating the work of others. At worst, for places like Tapestries, it’s a bannable offense.

There’s a fair bit of “power narration” occurring here, where we’re being told as the reader what our opinion is instead of letting us form our own, or just as importantly, if the opinion is supposed to be ours as the reader or your protagonist’s:

Jake, on the contrary, had some pretty awesome moves. After a bit of showing off, which seemed to loosen the tiger up a bit,

Finally, the biggest dealbreaker that kept me from finishing this story? Breaks should come after lines of dialogue. As just one of many examples:

“N..no it’s…it’s okay, really,” Misha said as he looked away shyly. “Too late, tiggy, already ordered, so you better enjoy it,” the horse said with a grin. He had a rather deep voice, not at all unpleasant. The bartender, a rather scarcely clothed fox tapped the beers with great skill. “Here you go, cuties,” he said as he handed the guys the glasses before tending to someone else’s needs. “Here,” the horse said as he handed the beer to Misha, who had quickly finished the other one. “Th…thanks…” the boy said before sipping his beer. “There’s a good boy,” the dark equine said while grinning before drinking. Those words sent blood running to the tiger’s face and ears, turning them a bit red.

This should be:

“N..no it’s…it’s okay, really,” Misha said as he looked away shyly.

“Too late, tiggy, already ordered, so you better enjoy it,” the horse said with a grin. He had a rather deep voice, not at all unpleasant. The bartender, a rather scarcely clothed fox tapped the beers with great skill.

“Here you go, cuties,” he said as he handed the guys the glasses before tending to someone else’s needs.

“Here,” the horse said as he handed the beer to Misha, who had quickly finished the other one.

“Th…thanks…” the boy said before sipping his beer.

“There’s a good boy,” the dark equine said while grinning before drinking. Those words sent blood running to the tiger’s face and ears, turning them a bit red.