Furry Writers' Guild Forum

Need immediate help on this book blurb

Update: Blurb is in the publisher’s hands. Thanks for assistance!

I’d cut out ‘be they’ from the first sentence; it is a bit purple, as you put it, and doesn’t add anything.

The last sentence could just be ‘Nine stories about imperfect people braving the fire for moments of perfection’, or ‘In these nine stories, imperfect people brave the fire for moments of perfection’.

If “be they” is cut, I think “from” needs to go there. Otherwise it might give the impression it’s only applicable to beginning or long lasting, and nothing in between.

I like “In these” though. Just starting the sentence with “Nine” feels abrupt.

How about:
“Relationships, be they a fleeting spark or long burning…”?

Updated to reflect suggestions.

Although I found a new thing that bugs me.

“Burning” appears twice in the first sentence, but I can’t find a way to work around it.

Hmm. How about changing ‘long burning’ to ‘a steady glow’?

Hrm, I wanted to imply a long-lasting relationship. “Steady glow” doesn’t qutie get it.

What I’m thinking is maybe change “burns our fingers” to “singes our fingers”.

“to long burning” is really quite awkward, here.

I would suggest “from the first spark, to the last glowing coals” or something along those lines.

Relationships, from a fleeting spark to long burning, are rife with what burns our fingers and ripe with what sets us aflame. Even when extinguished, the embers can still smolder and scorch.

Relationships, from the first fleeting spark to the last glowing coals, are rife with what burns our fingers and sets our hearts aflame. Even when thought long extinguished, a relationship can still smolder, scorch, or kindle an old flame.

When his ex-wife comes back into Luis’s life, the cost of what he wants might mean the loss of something more. Jacob needs peace with his family, an order perhaps too tall for Desiree. Marjani must make up her indiscretion to her husband. A confession falls apart, leaving Janine caught in the gears of a messy arrangement. Strait-laced Conner has to navigate a confusing new world.

This just sort of reads like word salad. I’d propose starting this entire paragraph here with “In this collection of nine stories about old flames,” and then being a bit more descriptive, like “In ‘(TITLE)’, when his ex-wife comes back into Luis’s life” etc etc.

In these nine stories, imperfect people brave the fire for moments of perfection.

Would suggest “In these nine stories, imperfect people brave the fire, looking for the warmth that can only be found in each other’s arms.” or somesuch.