Hello all! I am new to this site because my friend pointed me here, since I wanted critique on a story I have commenced writing. I am dying to continue it, but I would love to have some critique on it for now if this is the right way to continue on. Beware that English is not my first language. I hope you like it and please, tell me anything that comes to mind! Enjoy!
EDIT 1: Hope this layout is better! ^-^
A wise man once told me; ‘Light never touches those who embrace darkness’. At least, I think that’s what they said to me. My memory is still a little vague from before I came into existence. That’s how it felt to me. Suddenly I was there and I was woken by a rustling.
My ear twitched at the sound as life was breathed into me again. This was already strange to me. Was an ear supposed to twitch? It was my first thought and in my semi-conscious state it twirled around, resounding against the walls of my mind as if it were an echo. Soon it lost its importance to me though as both my ears kept twitching at leaves shifting over each other. I agreed in myself that yes, ears are supposed to twitch. Especially at sounds in my environment, I concluded.
It was like I was asleep, but not quite. Waking from a deep slumber and at that moment, right before you wake, where everything seems possible. In this case, wiggling of ears seemed possible. As I laid there, on my stomach I noted to myself, lazily the darkness of my unconsciousness faded. More and more things came to my attention. I had heard correctly; tiny, short leaves were murmuring around me. A wooden creak behind me made me twitch even, but I realized it was just the sound of an old tree settling against the wind.
Slowly, an image of my surroundings started to form in my head before I even had to open my eyes. I was surrounded by small bushes and scattered around me were trees of ancient times. Their presence was quite looming over my resting body, as if they were watching me. Deciding if this new creature that was suddenly and inexplicably there was a threat. Quickly enough the old souls of the trees ceased their curiosity in my being. To them, I seemed like another inhabitant of the forest. Yet, they kept their wary wits high. For if I tried something, their vengeance would be long and cruel. That is how they spoke to me.
How did I know all this, I wondered. One couldn’t possible know what trees were thinking and doing. It seemed so very illogical to me and yet my mind accepted the signals it was receiving without effort. They were creatures of their own, fiercely protective of their habitat and urging their respect from me. I gave it to them, because they earned it. Their presence was all around me and I knew instinctively that the entire forest would turn against me. It would have been a short existence.
Slowly my ears started to filter more sounds to me. Something chirped in the canopy. It wasn’t quite like a bird and it didn’t sound like a squirrel either. My ears twitched again at the noise of little scurried paws making their way across a branch. Stopping, as if it was waiting or… looking at something. Me possibly, as I felt a set of tiny eyes gander over my body. Again I puzzled over how I was able to realize these clear facts. It wasn’t like an idea popped into my head, or a thought bubbled up inside, speculating.
No, I effectively knew and felt these things, for certain. There was not a doubt in my mind I was realizing my surroundings. My conscious being had awoken by now, but my body was slow to follow. I noticed though how I was lying on a soft bed of grass, the soil underneath it sandy but comfortable, like one would expect. It was almost as if I was laying in the clearing of the forest I found myself in. No shadow broke the warmth of the sun on my body.
It was also at this point that I felt my limbs for the first time, laying sprawled out in different angles on my sides. They felt as heavy as the rest of my body and I must have lost consciousness while standing up. There was no other explanation to my position. At least not one that would make a lot of sense to me. Not only did I not know where I was, I had absolutely no clue who I was in the first place. My entire being, my person, my identity were a complete mystery to me as I laid there basking in the sun’s low rays. Must have been early morning still as the dew on the ground had not evaporated yet. In fact, it’s cold wetness had started to matt my fur down a little where I was laying on the lake of grass.
Wait, fur? This made me frown. Another one of those things that seemed alien to me, like my twitching ears. Was it normal for me to have fur? Well, I guess it was because there I was laying in the wet grass and it was making my fur all moist. How bizarre that, the more I discovered about my body, the more new experiences seemed to pop up for me. I blamed it on my state of amnesia though. That was the logical thing to do and I like to think rational, something that came natural to me. Taking the facts and laying them out, spending time thinking about how I felt about each thing.
It’s what kept my sanity going before I could start to move my body again. So, I had a rough idea in what kind of environment I found myself in; a clearing in a forest. I knew that it was early in the day and judging by the warmth of the sun, which was comfortable but not burning, I also figured it must have been somewhere in spring. Good, I thought, gather information, build a database of what you know. I was male. Again, not something I felt in my body, but something I knew in the back of my mind.
How old was I? Of that I had no clue. I would have to look at a reflection of myself to make a more educated guess of that. But the most pressing question was though; What am I? I had already gathered I had twitching ears and fur. Yet, I had no idea of the colour of that fur. Was I some kind of animal? I never knew that animals could have sentient thoughts like this. Am I a new species? What was it? Questions upon questions started to build up in my mind. It was growing passed time I opened my eyes and saw for myself. My body had no cause to listen yet though as its exhaustion still rendered my efforts to move useless.
Once more however, my ears were moved to twitch at a sound. It was the scurrying of before. The little creature that had gazed upon me had already dropped out of my mind because I was too busy thinking about myself. Yet, there it was. Its little feet clambered down the bark of the nearest tree. It had obviously climbed over from where it started to notice me, keeping me in its gaze as it made its way closer. Now that it was almost down and it realized I was not moving anytime soon, it got more bold.
Its curiosity got the better of it, scattering closer, I heard it stop in between my legs and stare at me from behind. This creature had no vile intentions towards me, I could sense its purity as it got closer to me. It would have been no threat to me anyway because of its size. I decided to wait and see what it would do, there wasn’t much else I could do anyway, being trapped in my semi-paralyzed body as I was.
Another curious chirp was heard, followed by soft, short and high-pitched ‘prrs’. It sounded feline, but I knew it wasn’t. Suddenly, the little thing lost contact with the ground and had leaped up and landed on me. More precisely, it had grabbed my tail which flicked out at the sudden tiny paws grappling at strands of long fur in it. This sent a shudder through my body as this was again a new sensation for myself.
A tail? Where did that come from? Had it been there all along? I accepted that it must have been, seeing that everything about my body seemed to be a new experience for my person. It was wonderful to feel like I’ve been given a fresh start, discovering my body anew. Yet somewhere it nagged me though, as I knew this body I had, had seen multiple years. What had happened in them and where had those memories gone to?
The little creature had made its way up my lower back now, feeling how its breath was quick after that little adventure with my flicking tail. It amazed me that it had not fled yet at this, but it seemed that, like me, she could sense my intent. She? Yes, she. It was a she, I now realized when it sat on top of me. Her light body put just enough pressure on me to notice that there was something there. Curiously and slowly, she moved away from my tail and travelled up my body.
As her little paws sank into my thick and lush fur, her trembling seemed to fade away. Such an adventurous little creature, she was. Walking over that big animal laying in the middle of the forest floor took quite some guts after all. But the big animal wasn’t moving, yet a soft grunt escaped my throat as now something made contact with my body, it made me realize just how sore everything was. As if I had travelled far without resting once.
The feeling spread throughout my entire body and the little creature felt it, letting out a soft ‘mrew’ as it padded its little paws through the fur between my shoulders. That area was one of the more tense once and I sighed at the little massage I got there. Not that it helped much, but it was nice to feel the stiffness being addressed to. At this, the little adventurer climbed to the top of my head, its little hind feet kicking and trying to get grip in the dense fur. For some reason that made be wruff out softly under my breath before I inhaled deeply and sighed again, groaning. Small paws stood on top of my eyebrows and I felt its weight shift forward. It had a long little tail that it let fall down my neck to keep its balance.
At long last, I finally managed to open my eyes. Not only because my prostration allowed it, but also because I was mighty curious which devil of a being decided to trail its way all over my body. As my eyes slowly unfolded themselves and blurriness took its time to wither away, the obscured outlines of the creature that hung upside down in front of me came into my view. It was the face of purity that stared back at me.
At first I thought I was looking into the sun, but then I saw its beams shimmering through the fluff of the cheeks of the little creature that stared into my eyes, her fur the brightest of white with yellow streaks. It was easy to confuse her with the star shimmering so closely in the sky. Her muzzle was square, like a feline’s, her nose was brisk and pointy, short and thin whiskers wiggled up and down from the movement of the curious nose. In contrast to her small nose and mouth, her eyes really stood out. Not only because they were huge and round-shaped, they were the deepest and most vivid colour of wisteria, reminiscing about the flower, the soft, vanilla-honey smell vivaciously living in my nostrils. The serene image of them swaying.
So did the cushion of fur that poofed out of her neck, gently waving in the softness of the breeze that was about. It framed her pretty, tiny and bubbly face like a shawl draped around her and she wore it graciously. On top of her head, besides the cute ivory horns she sprouted, big triangular ears quivered, revealing her emotions. She was anxious doing what she was doing, but deep inside of her I knew that the moment she had laid eyes on me, there was this binding connection between our essences.
Now that I stared into her luminous purple eyes, my own deep orange orbs just flecks in the dancing reflection of dappling lights, everything became much more clearer in my vision. I stared into those circle-shaped mirrors of her soul and for a minute, they were the world to me as she spoke to me through them. Purity and calmness waved over me, soothing my strained muscles more and her intentions became clear to me. Through that divinity that she emanated, I sensed her weakness. How lonely she was. There was not a creature that would not near her, for they all respected her too much. They all thought that she was too beautiful, to pristine to exist.
All the times she showed herself, the creatures wondered and stared, but played it off as a trick of the light. Such a divine creature could not exist outside of their heads. A warmth spread through my body our souls reached out through our eyes. They both swayed and danced around each other, merrily skipping between the little dots of light that floated across our irises. This little thing needed a friend and since I was new to this world, I happily accepted her.
I rumbled as my face strained into a smile, like the muscles were never used before, groaning as my lip trembled. My voice was deep, a soft growl in the lower tones, it sounded rough and animal like as I spoke. “Hello, friend.”
(I hope that layout is ok to read ^^")
