Furry Writers' Guild Forum

How should I handle this?

General Writing Discussion
#1

I have a slice-of-life story about a character who is living with ALS and the conflict that occurs with his caregiver.

Do I need to define the acronym ALS (Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis) for the reader?

As it stands, the story only has three people in it, and all three know what it stands for. So defining it in dialogue becomes an "As you know, Bob … " situation.

Defining it in the prose is equally as clunky because it’s clear I’m speaking directly to the reader. I’ve created new words in fantasy stories and direct definitions in the prose gets the feedback that “This is jarring”.

And I can’t call it “Lou Gerhig’s disease” because this is a furry story, and apparently a lot of people get cranky when you refer to specific things in the Real world - specific places like city/country names, businesses and copyrighted product names, and I’m certain real people.

Honestly I don’t think even giving the definition of the acronym helps in any way, because it’s just a bunch of medical terms.

What should I do?

#2

I would treat that information the same way I’d treat anything about the character – reference it in the prose, without stopping to flat-out define it, but find ways to work aspects of the condition, especially how it affects the character, into the narration and dialogue. It’s the same way you’re probably not going to say straight-out “Jim the wolf was six feet tall and heavily muscled, with gray fur and blue eyes, and he loved playing the oboe” – ideally you’re going to work those aspects into the narrative in some way so the reader understands them without being handed a laundry list of the character’s attributes.

What POV are you using for the story? (I ask because knowing this might make it easier to give specific suggestions.)

#3

I address the actual disease itself and its symptoms, as that’s very pertinent to the story. That’s not the issue, I’m just wondering if I must define the acronym, or if describing things is good enough.

#4

It’s hard to be sure without seeing the actual story, but I would think you wouldn’t have to give the full name and could probably get away with just calling it ALS, since that’s how everyone in the story thinks of it and talks about it. The ideal, of course, would be to find a clever way to slip the full term in somewhere (like, say, having a character read their medical history or insurance paperwork, someplace the formal name would be likely to be used), but barring that, it might be better to leave it out and let a curious reader Google it than risk the ‘As you know’ effect. In the end, it’s kind of a choice between potentially confusing the reader by leaving it out and potentially jarring them by putting it in, but I think it’s probably going to be easier to mitigate the confusion than the jarring. :slight_smile:

#5

I suppose you could include a definition before the story begins, if you’re intending on this being published. You do sometimes see books that have a little glossary section before the first chapter.

#6

‘The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime’ is about a teenager with some form of autism, but it’s never explicitly stated, so I think you could get away with leaving the explanation out.

If you want the story to raise awareness of the disease, maybe an Afterword? (I’d never heard of it, so I wouldn’t be able to tell exactly what it was from descriptions in the story.)

#7

As I had no idea what that syndrome was, I would say define it.
As mentioned, you can even have the opening page of the story/book be a definition of the condition itself.

#8

I’m not going to put a PSA or info-dump at the beginning, for multiple reasons.

Would a footnote work? Are footnotes jarring? I can use that without it being directly in the prose.

But aside from the issue of jarring, I don’t think the definition is helpful. It’s not like the ACLU, where once you know that means American Civil Liberties Union, you have a better idea what it means. Do you understand anything more knowing that it stands for amyotrophic lateral sclerosis? Unless the reader is a med student, I think it doesn’t add anything.

I mean hell, I could just not name it at all. Or name it something else.

Bottom line is I don’t want to define it, but is it wrong if I don’t. Are people going to complain.

#9

I wouldn’t do a footnote, personally; I think that would be just as jarring as something clunky in the prose.

You might be able to get away with not naming it at all. I guess the question becomes, is it really important, story-wise, that the reader know it’s this specific disease, or is it just crucial that the reader understand that the character’s living with a chronic and progressive disease? I guess the only drawback to not naming it is that people might think it’s some disease specific to your story world and not a ‘real’ disease, but I don’t know how many people are going to get that hung up on that aspect.

#10

Who says Lou Gerhig can’t have been a furry in this world?.. yeah that would open a whole can of worms. Kinda makes me wonder if there is “uncanny valley” effect for a furry story in an alternate Earth.

But I digress. In general, I’ve been taught to define an acronym the first time it occurs, but in this situation i think you need to know who your audience is. If your audience would connect ALS with the real world disease, then keep it, otherwise it might be just a distraction. If you want to spell it out, you might introduce it as an except of a doctors note or some other corrispondance. Another option you might have if this story will be published is to hyperlink the word to it’s definition, although that is basically a footnote.

#11

I think if you’re writing about a disease, you need to describe primarily what it does. For example, HIV, Human Immunodeficiency Virus is a disease that destroys the immune system that protects the body from infections.

What does ALS primarily do?

Then if you wish, describe what the character is feeling through his symptoms.

I would spell it out once and make it an acronym throughout the book.

Make up a furry name counterpart if you don’t want to use the name.

#12

Would definitely say spell it out. The easiest way I can think of to do this would be to have a doctor or someone of knowledge explain the disease to someone who has never heard of it before. It’s clear, by the responses in this thread, that it’s not a condition that’s well-known. I’ve heard of it, but had no idea what it was.

Is the character a child? Does the character have a child? Children wouldn’t be likely to have heard of the condition before, so it would need to be explained there.
Does the character have a relative who is just finding out that the character has this condition?

#13

The only characters in the story are a middle-aged husband and wife, one taking care of the other who is in an advanced stage of the disease. The story is how this is affecting their marriage. They don’t even leave the house. Given that the story is only 2,700 words, it would really distract from the actual story and be quite transparent to bring in another character for the sole reason of explaining it.

I think the best course of action is just to remove the name. The disease is only important as far as the situation the symptoms forces on their relationship. I think I do an adequate job explaining the symptoms enough that further focus is unnecessary.

#14

In that case, it would indeed be better to just stick with the symptoms. Then again, if you’re mentioning the symptoms, the acronym could always be thrown in there. The full name of the illness is less important than what it actually is and what it’s doing.

#15

I had a similar situation in a story I was writing years ago. It wasn’t referring to a disease, but an acronym nonetheless.

What someone suggested was to use the full name of it at first (Search and Rescue), then abbreviate it afterwards once the reader understands what it is (SAR). In my case that definitely worked.

Hope this helps.