Christmas Invasions. This year our flash fiction contest is all about Christmas invasions. Whether your invaders are robots, aliens, or sentient Christmas ornaments is completely up to you, but if you want to win, you must write us a story no longer than 250 words that deals with an invasion and Christmas.
This is my submission, "Letter from the Front Lines"
Dearest Easter Basket,
The war does not go well. We have lost Halloween to the never-ending march of the foul Christmas decorations. The overrun displays of fallen skeletons and bats still haunt my dreams. Labor Day and Fourth of July have yet fallen but hopes are not high, those days we believe will nary be a distraction to our enemy. We fall back to Easter, our sweet Easter, to hold the line. If we cannot halt the forward movement, I fear I shall not have the heart to continue. It will be left to our brother-decorations of St. Patrick’s Day and Valentines to keep repel the winter holiday fiends their year-round grip.
I ache to see you once more, my sweet Basket. To touch your green grass, to hold the hugged eggs nestled within. One day I hope we can be reunited, and hear the merry pitter patter of feet rushing towards us. Yet were I not here to do battle, that dream will never occur for any others of our kin. If I may fall know it is for you and all of ours. If this is to be my final letter dearest, remember me.
[right]Your Love Strengthens Me
Stuffed Bunny[/right]
Ha, I love this interpretation of the Christmas invasion. First readthrough, I missed the signature and wanted to know who the letter was from, so maybe lose the right-align?
Labor Day and Fourth of July have yet fallen
‘not yet fallen’?
It will be left to our brother-decorations of St. Patrick’s Day and Valentines to keep repel the winter holiday fiends their year-round grip.
‘to keep repel’ needs some sorting out.
Every word counts in flash, so I think you should keep re-reading and refining this until you can’t get it any better. For instance, should there be two 'fallen’s so close together in the 3rd and 4th sentences?
Labor Day and Fourth of July have yet fallen but hopes are not high, those days we believe will nary be a distraction to our enemy.
is weakened by the (intended, I presume) double-negative. Plus, again in my opinion, this is a run-on sentence. I’d suggest
Labor Day and Fourth of July have yet to fall, but hopes are not high. Soon they too shall succumb to our reviled enemy.
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Also, I’d rephrase the next sentence a bit to render it clearer.
Therefore we must fall back and rely on Fortress Easter, our sweetest and most beloved Easter, to hold the line.
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I’d also suggest
If we cannot stem our enemy’s advance… My heart breaks at the thought!
in place of
If we cannot halt the forward movement, I fear I shall not have the heart to continue.
This, in my opinion, is more in keeping with the military-language theme, and is also clearer.
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For…
It will be left to our brother-decorations of St. Patrick’s Day and Valentines to keep repel the winter holiday fiends their year-round grip.
I’d suggest (in support of smoother flow and fewer words, important in flash fiction)
It will be left to our brothers, the leprechauns of March or perhaps even the cupids of St. Valentine to keep hope alive.
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I ache to see you once more, my sweet Basket. To touch your green grass, to hold the hugged eggs nestled within. One day I hope we can be reunited, and hear the merry pitter patter of feet rushing towards us. Yet were I not here to do battle, that dream will never occur for any others of our kin. If I may fall know it is for you and all of ours. If this is to be my final letter dearest, remember me.
might be a bit more powerful as
My soul aches for you, my sweet basket. To recline amidst your soft green grass, to cherish the many-hued eggs nestled within! One day we shall be reunited and share our secret smile at the merry pitter-patter of small feet rushing towards us. Yet were I not here at the front doing battle, that dream would be forever lost to us. Should I fall to the Red and Green horde, know that it was for you and for all of our good and decent kind. Should this be my final letter, Dearest…
Remember me.
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This story really left me grinning, and I very much hope it’s accepted for publication! Keep us in the loop!
