+++This is a rewrite of the lyrics to the song “Baby Got Back.” It’s adult, so if you aren’t ok with that, back away now.
Here are the lyrics to the original: http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/sirmixalot/babygotback.html
And here’s the song itself: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FlItMpGYQTo
This is probably the stupidest thing I’ve ever done. Cheers.+++
[Lo! My God, Becky, behold that posterior!
It is gigantic.
She seems the courtesan of some gentleman rapper.
But, I say, who comprehends them?
Methinks they only speak with her on account of her resembling a strumpet.
I indicate that her backside is enormous.
I am incredulous of its curvature. It protrudes! I express revulsion at it.
Her complexion is quite dark.]
I like substantial bottoms and am unable to be deceptive about it.
It is impossible for you like-minded fellows to refute
That when a young woman appears, slender-waisted
But with conspicuous hindquarters
You become aroused and desire to expose yourself
Because you observed that ampleness
Was planted tightly in her denim pants
I am fascinated by it
My darling, I wish to spend time with you
And play at photography
My closest friends gave forewarning
But your behind has made me lustful
O, shank, smooth and shapely!
You wish for a pleasure-drive in my Mercedes
Very well
You are no ordinary devotee
I see others dance
And have no regard for the proprieties of courtship
She perspires, damp
Going vigorously, similarly to a supercharged corvette
I weary of periodicals
Espousing level behinds
Find a male of African ancestry and inquire
He prefers a woman with fleshy haunches
So, comrades! (Yes?) Comrades! (Yes?)
Is your lady well-endowed in her fanny? (But of course!)
Command that they joggle it, joggle it
Joggle that robust seat
Darling has rear
I am fond of them when they’re voluptuous, colossal
When I perform
My self-control sinks to bestial lows
My current ignominy is this:
I wish to bring you home
And loudly copulate
I don’t refer to Playboy
Silicon is inorganic
I favor their being authentically squat and succulent
So find that succulent pair
DJ Dwale’s imperiled
Pleading for a portion of that behind
I’m watching videos made to accompany popular music
And behold frivolous women going about in the manner of ladies of the night
You may retain such frivolous women
Mine shall remain as though Florence Joyner
Attention, well-fed women of African descent, I have amorous intent
And will not use vulgar insults, neither will I strike you
But know this: I wish to couple
Until sunrise
Darling, you are so lovely
Many halfwits will despise this composition
Those cads are only after one-night stands
Whereas I am well-endowed, potent
And in favor of abrasion
So, ladies! (Yes?) Ladies! (Yes)
If you wish to go out in my luxury sedan
About face, bend over slightly
Even Caucasian men will have no choice but to exclaim
Darling has rear
Oh, darling, popular fashion doesn’t factor into my choices
The so-called ideal chest, waist and hip measurements
Would only appeal to me on a short woman
So, your girlfriend drives a Japanese import and listens to Jane Fonda workout recordings
But Jane Fonda’s backside is inadequate
My snake is uninterested
Unless your buttocks are reminiscent of baked goods
You may exercise
But I implore you not to misplace your posterior
Some fellows wish to pretend firmness
And say that the rump is without premium value
So they discard it
I rapidly collect it
Popular fashion would say you are overweight
I disagree
On account of your slight waist and appealing contours
I toy with the notion of jeering
The malnourished women in periodicals
“You are not half so attractive as you believe”
Allow me to have a woman of African descent, she overwhelms me
She’s been pelted with Cajun cuisine
Some foolish person didn’t show proper respect
Because I intend to seduce his lady companions
He was skilled in flirting and seduction, but abusive
I rapidly appeared to take his lady companions away
So, good women, if your backside is bulbous
And you wish to do things that, if in a movie, would earn it a rating of NC-17
Dial one eight-hundred DJ Dwale
And punt those filthy musings
Darling has rear