Furry Writers' Guild Forum

Critique request on a furry, fantasy, body swap story -"Zack's Quest"

Critique
#1

Zack’s Quest

Chapter One​
Zack a very isolated person, he doesn’t enjoy parties, large dinners, or even small get together, opting to spend his weekends alone watching movies and playing video games and thats the way he likes it. Unfortunately for him a freak accident sends him to a fantasy world injuring him horribly in the process. In order to save his dying body he must have his soul placed inside a female vixen and embark on a quest with a group of misfit to find a healer.

WARNING THIS STORY CONTAINS;Adult language, brief nudity, and blood

(Please critique my plot so far, grammar, and pacing)

#2

Hey GrimnCoyote,

I gave “Zack’s Quest” a quick read through. Pretty good start. I’ll give a few of my thoughts/feedback. Just remember these are my opinions and you can accept or ignore as you like. :slight_smile:

-Use a spellchecker (if you don’t already). I noticed you had your shared doc in a Google Doc, and it should have a basic spell check function. This is your friend; use it often!
-There are many run on sentences. Try to contain maybe one or two actions in a sentence. I can point out a couple of examples if you like, but there were several points when you had Zack “do something then do something else followed by something and then he did something else.” See what I mean?
-Try not to over explain everything. I suffer from this as well, and it takes work to streamline your writing to convey only the essentials. Let the reader fill in the rest of the blanks and paint their mental picture. (trust me it takes practice, I still work at this every time)
-I like your use of getting character emotions into the flow. Just be careful how you thread it in.
-Formatting. Take time to figure out how to go from one “scene” to the next. If you just smoosh everything into big blocky paragraphs it is harder to read. (again, I still have to work at getting this right too)

Hope this helps a bit. Keep at it!