Furry Writers' Guild Forum

Calling all beta readers

So, this is the start of my story, I intenionally kept it really short because I want just the advice on the general writting given that this is the first time I’m writting a story entirely in English. I’d like to continue to post here if you guys are interested in it 8)

Robin got off the bus and jumped on the dirty sidewalk. He only had a faint idea in what part of the town he found himself. On the other side of the street some traffic cop was writting a ticket. Robin wasn’t surprised to see he was a ’gator. Policemen usually were, even those in his small hometown.
Former hometown he corrected himself.
He hesitated but eventually decided to put his former experience with the police aside and ask for directions.
The city of ____ loked stunning in the pink twilight as only big, seaside towns can. He wasn’t able to adjust to the noise and the rush at first, it overwhelmed his senses. When the light turned green he quickly crossed the intersection.
The cop just finished posting a ticket on some yellow car. Robin hurried towards him, slightly nervous.

  • Hey mister! – he said.
    The ’gator turned to face him.
  • Yes?
  • Can you tell me how to get to the beach? I’m new in town.
  • Go to the end of this street and then turn right. You’ll see a park; go through it and you’ll find yourself in the street from which you’ll be able to see the ocean. Just follow that street downwards and you’ll get there. – he said in a flat voice.
  • Thank-
  • Although… I should probably warn you – he continued – That is a fairly shady part of town. If you’re new here you should be careful.
  • Oh okay, I will. Thank you! – Robin said but the cop already turned and began to walk away. 
    He knew it was stupid and childish but he was really excited to see the ocean. He never did before. In fact, he never really travel much aside from some camping trips with his dad and brothers when he was still a cub. Suddenly, a whole bunch of memories rushed in and he felt incredibly lonely. He wondered if he was going to see them again. But then, he remembered the last time he did and just got angry. He wiped his eyes with his right and left paw and fastened his pace. He was going to see the ocean and he was going to be fine without them.

[ul][li]What sort of experience does Robin have with police? Was he once a police officer, or did he have a bad encounter with the police?[/li]
[li]I feel like the police officer would detail why it’s a bad part of town, or recommend an alternate route which is safe for tourists/visitors.[/li]
[li]I understand if you don’t want to reveal what happened with his family, but small snippets that clue the reader as to what COULD HAVE happened would be nice. It adds intrigue, and you need intrigue.[/li]
[li]Biggest piece of general advice I could give you is–elaborate! Paint a picture of this scene. What does the police officer look like? What about Robin? What are the streets around him like? Is he among stores, apartments, homes…? Etc.[/li][/ul]

You write better than many native English speakers, keep it up!