“It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents — except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness.” — Edward George Bulwer-Lytton, Paul Clifford (1830)
The challenge presented to you in this thread is to write and post a furry-themed Bulwer-Lytton contest entry. Since 1983, the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest has been attracting writers trying to do worse than the famous opening line quoted above. The contest has a website where among other things you may view past winners of the annual contest.
In a nutshell, the idea is to come up with the worst possible opening sentence to a story. Here you get to think of all the eye-rolling, stomach-turning things we try not to do, and cram as much of it as you can into one sentence. I look forward to seeing what you guys come up with.