Furry Writers' Guild Forum

Asexual vs Best Friends

I love that the FWG is filled with such a variety of people who have such a wide variety of backgrounds and experiences. Just a quick glance at the Member Knowledge Base makes that quite clear. So I’m going to ask something I’ve been curious about for a long time now.

What makes an asexual relationship different from a deep, solid friendship? Why asexual? What is it about the sexual relationship that doesn’t appeal? Is it just the sex and lack thereof that’s different? How does someone in an asexual relationship express their feelings to their bf/gf/husband/wife different from others? Do they?

Sorry if the questions seem rather ignorant, but I’ve never really had the opportunity to sit down and talk about this with someone who is asexual before, and the last thing I want to do is make assumptions. I’m coming to this table with as clean a slate as possible, as someone who’s in a m/f sexual relationship in which I happened to marry my best friend. There’s a story I’m reading that made me realize that I know next to nothing about asexual relationships, despite being curious as ever. So please, come enlighten this ignorant individual!

An asexual relationship is the same (or as different) as any other relationship. Underneath the sex and friendship, there is something more to a relationship that separates a friendship from romantic partners.

Recently research and the “powers that be” view asexuality as a recognized sexual orientation. Whereas celibacy/abstinence are part of religious and cultural tradition of repressing desire. Asexuality expresses less desire, so it isn’t a matter of repressing desires as it is absent or significantly lower.

Friday talked about this during the adult writing panel(s) at Fur the More. I would share what he said, but I’m too worried about misremembering since it was late Saturday night.

My basic suggestion is to imagine what separates “friends with benefits” from romantic partners and alternate reasons for sexual activity outside of standard pleasure seeking.