Furry Writers' Guild Forum

An ode to furries (poetry, first serious attempt)

Critique
#1

Written 1st of March 2014, when I was at my most sentimental state. Which I seem to be quite often. blush
I call this: An ode to furries

Thank goodness for furries
That you fill up my day
With song and with dance
In every possible way
It may sound excessive, but still it is true
I would not have been here,
had it not been for you

Thank heavens for furries
That you are still here
that I may call you ‘friend’
and that you are my peer
The family I got choose, of sister and brother
Please let me kindly remind you:
we’re here for each other!

An ode to furries
For this is your song
For each of you are precious
And what you have done
of good deeds I thank you, let us reach out by far
to show the world we’re legit,
and proud of who we are!

#2

Your poem is beautiful, I can tell that you put alot of heart into it. I love the choice of words you use and very inspiring. It makes me and other people get out of their depressive moods.

#3

D’aww! X3

This is a really sugary sweet and very pretty decent poem that warmed my heart! ^v^ All things considered, I’d say that the majority of the lines flow really well. For the most part, it was REALLY pleasing to read out well.

However, I do have to say that there was one exception and PLEASE keep it in mind that it might be JUST ME and not any fault of your own:

I’d say that it feels like that the final lines of the poem could use a final minor alterations to improve how they sound when read out loud. It just…didn’t feel right when I spoke those final lines to myself. Again. IT’S PROBABLY JUST ME. There’s EVERY possibility that I’m just plain wrong about this issue and the lines are fine.

Please give Rattie more feedback on this, people! >v<

#4

Very good! It brought to mind warm, welcome memories of my time in the fandom, and friends current and past. I highly enjoyed it, it may need just a few tweaks to the rhythm near the end, but otherwise awesome!

#5

First, thank you <3 for reviewing my poem. I was actually a little sad to begin with that no one had even bother looking at the thread, then I forgot to check up on it.

I can’t tell you how much this means to me. Depression is a real bitch. I’ve been there, so I know. And if I can help just one person snap out of its grasp with my writing - even just for a while, I think I did my job <3

#6

This works best when it reads like natural speech, but still has rhythm and rhyme. So I’d take a look at the places where either the metre falls down, or it doesn’t read smoothly. Read it out loud and ask yourself whether those are the words you’d choose if you were talking to a friend.

Here are some suggestions for the first verse:

Thank goodness for furries! exclamation mark makes it more powerful
You fill up my days removing ‘that’ makes it scan better, and sounds more like natural English
With song and with dance
In a million ways. the existing line felt a bit too long, so I’ve changed ‘day’ to ‘days’ in the earlier line and fiddled with this one. You could fiddle with it some more!
It’s a startling statement, but nonetheless true: I don’t like ‘but still it is true’; it sounds stilted. You might find an alternative you like better than my version, though!
I wouldn’t be here
If it wasn’t for you. I changed the tense to make it feel more immediate.

Hope this helps! Sometimes it takes a lot of polishing to make something feel spontaneous :slight_smile: