So I got a commission to do something dark, creepy and romantic. This is what I came up with. I already got it posted up, but i’m still looking for critique and feedback on it. I think it definitely hits the dark and creepy, there is some gore, a bit of sex but not in great detail. I mention just a bit of torture and for a moment it has a bit of an uncomfortable rapey vibe, but there is no rape I assure you! Hopefully those are all the warning/triggers I need to mention, if not please let me know so I can update it quickly, i’m really bad with this sort of thing. Anyway, thanks to anyone who reads this 
A True Love Story
“Being in love isn’t easy, but I think I’ve managed to perfect it, as I am in the perfect relationship. That’s right! I said it. I’m in the perfect relationship.” Two black slits surrounded by a bright green came into view as the snake leaned into the soft light hitting the small table. His tongue slithered out for a moment as he looked at the stunned faces around the table, nodding a few times. “He’s the loveliest mouse you’ve ever seen. My words won’t do him justice but let me try and paint a picture for you all.”
He stopped to make sure he had the attention of the others in the room before continuing. “Imagine, if you will, an angel that had gotten lost on earth. When you see him, it’s like you’re looking at the mona lisa’s smile and when he smiles, it is infinitely more beautiful.” His eyes shut as he pictured the boy in his head, trying to find the words to describe him. “His figure…from behind you might think he was actually a she, all the right curves in all the right places,” His eyes opened again to look at the faces in the room, slowly frowning. “I’m not doing him justice; I knew I couldn’t. Well, just imagine the loveliest creature you’ve ever seen and he’s better than that.”
He let out a soft hissing sigh as he shook his head. “Well, forget about all that. Let me move on to the kinds of things we do together. Just last night, we were at the most delicious italian restaurant,” He chuckled as he sat back, face disappearing into the shadow of the room. “He ordered the angel hair pomodoro; it comes with diced tomatoes and fresh onions, garlic…i’m getting off track. What he ordered doesn’t matter. It’s how he eats it. Those beautiful lips all puckered up as the thin noodle is slipped between them,” He quickly leaned back into the light with a hiss. “It’s erotic!”
The tone of his voice made him sound mad about it but there was clearly a smile on his face. “We left together after we had both finished eating and took a walk down the street back to his place. That’s when I saw him smile again. I gave him a present; his favorite chocolates. Those always put a smile on his face,” Another sigh escaped his throat as he slowly stood up. “Unfortunately we aren’t to the point in our relationship where he’ll let me come inside with him…” He looked around for a moment at the others in the room. “But we’ll get there, one day, I know it.”
He took his jacket off of the chair and put it on before looking around the room once more. “You guys have a good night. Sorry to cut things short like this but I don’t want to be late tomorrow morning,” He chuckled happily. “Another date. I can’t wait. have a good one everyone!” He slowly left and stepped outside, taking a moment to enjoy the fresh air before walking home to get in bed.
Mid afternoon came and he was on his date, those slits that made up his pupils couldn’t move away from the mouse as he walked with him. The two didn’t exchange any words but an arm around the mouse let him know that he wasn’t alone. A nose to his head let the mouse know he was adored and a kiss to let him know he was loved. It was a simple date today and it didn’t last into the night. It started with a little lunch at a cafe followed by a stroll through the park and ended at his house again.
Today, they shared a kiss outside the door, two pairs of warm lips pressing to each other, but it left him wanting more. Once again he was left outside the door by himself, tongue slithering out for a moment as he stared at the wood the door was made out of. “One day…” He put his hand to the wood for a moment before setting a bouquet of flowers at the doorstep. He watched as the lights inside turned on. He then turned away and walked down the street to meet with his friends for another night of chit-chatting.
The room was dimly lit once again but this time there was a bit of smoke filling the room. The snake had lit a cigarette as he entered and was letting out puffs as he sat down. “Good evening everyone,” All eyes were on him for a moment, several groans of acknowledgment sounding out before he smiled and spoke to the group. “After today I’ve decided that things are going a bit too slowly. I love him, I do, but… I just need things to be moving faster,” He sat back and reached into his coat pocket, putting a few items up on the table. A pack of cigarettes, a lighter, and a knife. “I’ve sat by for far too long, just waiting and waiting to be the one on the other side of that door.” He brought a hand to his face and let out a tired breath. “Maybe I’m not sending the right message, maybe chocolate and flowers isn’t what he needs.” His eyes moved around the dark room, closing for a moment. “I know exactly what he needs. Sorry again to cut things short, I have work to do.”
A few days passed without him seeing the mouse again but their next date came; a nice movie together at the local movie theater. They got their tickets and he lets the mouse get whatever he wanted at the concession stand, smiling at his choice of large popcorn and some candy. It was the same thing they always got together, the candy was just for the mouse, but the popcorn was something they could split. After that, they moved into the theater, sitting near the middle for a good view of the movie. They laughed together at the trailers for the comedies and he had to shield the mouse’s head from the one horror trailer that came on. As the lights turned off for the main attraction he let himself relax in the seat, a relaxed hiss sliding from his mouth, eyes watching the mouse’s ears twitch and head turn back. For the first time in a year, the mouse made eye contact with the snake, the illusion the snake had was broken for a moment.
He no longer saw himself as the handsome feline the mouse had been dating for the past month but instead for what he really was. He had been pining for the mouse’s attention for a long year and now that he had it, he wanted nothing more than for the mouse to look away. A few seconds passed before the mouse did just that but it felt like an eternity to him. He couldn’t be here anymore. He felt sick sitting there watching the two so happy together. He stood up quickly and left the theater, eyes shutting as the sunlight hit them. He hissed in aggravation as he walked to the only place he felt like he could relax and collect himself. He moved to the front door of his house and kicked the doormat aside, reaching down to pick up the key left on the floor. His tongue hung out of his mouth for a while as he noticed his shaking hand, slipping his tongue back into his mouth as he quickly jogged to the side of the house and unlocked the door.
He moved himself into the familiar dimly lit room, sitting down in his usual spot to look upon the faces that had been looking back at him. “Things have gone in an unexpected direction. He looked at me today. He saw me for what I really was today,” He looked at his shaking hands again and smiled wide. “Look at how excited I am?” He showed his hands to the faces. “Can you believe it? He saw me…me! Now is my chance, I have to do this just right,” He leaned into the light and grinned. “I’m going to need all of your help for this. Are you all with me?” The sound of a group groan let him know that they were there if he needed them. “Thank you so much guys, our long year of working together is finally coming to an end. I’ll miss some of you,” He hit his hands against the table a few times. “I won’t have to cut things short tonight either. I won’t be seeing him for a few days so, we have plenty of time to work things out.”
A few days passed. he spent his time either in his favorite room or out setting things up for his wonderful surprise to his lovely mouse. It had gone from Wednesday to Saturday and everything was in place, everything planned out perfectly. All he had to do now was the same thing he had done for years; follow his love, watch and wait. That is exactly what he did come Saturday morning. He was in the bush he had become oh so familiar with. Green skin blending in perfectly with the leaves so that the mouse never caught sight of him. He waited till the mouse moved away from the front door to place a decently sized box on the doorstep, the last gift the mouse would receive from him that day.
The first was at the grocery store. After years of observing, he had memorized the mouse’s routine for saturdays. After leaving the house, it started at the grocery store to get food for the week then a trip to the to his job at the local library to pick up his check and finally back home. If everything went as he expected it to then the mouse would be his before the sun went down. He moved with the crowds of the town like he always had when following the mouse but this was the first time he was actually going to follow him into the store, wanting to see the mouse’s reaction to the gift. He walked into the store, a few people behind the mouse, and then looked around to see the mouse moving down the aisle on the far right. So, he went down the middle, walking to the end of the aisle so he could keep an eye on the cheese. He knew it was a bit stereotypical to expect the mouse to buy cheese but he had always seen him leaving with it so it was his best bet.
He felt his heart racing as the mouse went to pick up his favorite block of cheese, watching the beautiful figure hesitate to pick up the box with his name on it. “Samuel”, the tag read. He could tell that the mouse was surprised to see a box with his name on it and even more surprised to see what was inside, watching his small paw cover his muzzle when he saw the eyeball inside the box. He could even seen the little mouse read the words on the note he left with it, mouthing out the words. “I’ve been watching you. I know your secret. Shhhh,” He couldn’t help but grin as the object of his desire shivered from the tips of his toes to the end of his tail and then right up his spine to his ears. He was worried for a moment that the mouse might say something but he watched as the angel closed the box and kept it to himself, grabbing the rest of his groceries before heading to his next errand.
The snake followed of course, moving through the crowds, but always being careful to stay well enough behind that he wouldn’t get caught. He waited a couple minutes after the mouse had walked into the library to follow, moving into one of the rows of shelves, watching him through the books as his goal stood at the front desk. He didn’t bother pretending to look at any of the books in front of him as he knew the mouse wasn’t looking for him. His eyes narrowed a bit as he watched the mouse’s co-worker hand him his paycheck as well as another box, wrapped up nicely with a tag that simply said his name again. The snake was a bit disappointed when the love of his life didn’t open the box right then and there but he understood the hesitation after what had been in the first box. He let the mouse leave before following him out the door, walking off towards the side of the building as the mouse opened his second gift with a squeak. Inside this box was an ear that would look very familiar to the mouse, along with another note that he could once again see the mouse mouth the words to. “I’ve listened to you when no one else would.”
Another grin came across his green mouth as he watched the shiver run up the mouse’s spine after reading the note and seeing the gift. He let out a low hiss when the mouse moved to throw the box away. but that was okay. He had seen the gift already and it wasn’t one someone should keep. He could feel himself getting giddy with excitement as it was time for the mouse to go home to the final gift he had wrapped up for him. It was waiting for him on his doorstep when he got there, the snake having to stand behind a nearby tree to keep himself out of view this time. His heart almost stopped as he watched the mouse pick up and open the third and final present, which made the snake chuckle because what was inside was a heart. He could see the mouse’s eyes widen from here as he stared at it for a while, as if contemplating whose heart it was before taking out the note. The snake didn’t bother waiting around this time, pushing off from the tree to walk back to his own house. Quickly he moved to grab the key to the door on the side of the house, opening it and leaving it open as he moved into the room and hid in the shadows.
His eyes pierced through the darkness as he saw the familiar head of the mouse poke in from the doorway. He smiled to himself knowing he could see him, but the mouse couldn’t see him hiding in the dark. He watches the angelic figure curiously move into the dark room, note still clutched in his little paw as he bumped into the table. That was the snakes queue to move to the door, quickly shutting it, effectively darkening the room enough that the mouse couldn’t see him standing there. He waited for the mouse to turn back around before he came up behind him and bent him over the table, hips pressed firmly against the mouse’s bottom. “Hello, my angel. I’ve been waiting for you,” He could feel the mouse struggling beneath his hand but it was firmly pressed between his shoulder blades, keeping him pushed against the table.
Quickly he reached up with his other hand and turned on the only light in the room, the dim lighting hardly enough to give the effect he wanted. He gave the chain a second pull before using the hand to grab at the wrist that was still holding the note that came along with the heart. “Do you see? Do you see what I’ve done for you?” His hand gripped at the mouse’s fur between his ears, pulling it up so he could look at the three faces that had been illuminated. “I know you remember at least one of them.” The body in the middle was the feline, a piece of his chest missing where his heart had been removed. To the right was another mouse, one of his sockets empty where his eye had been removed and the third figure was a golden retriever with a missing ear. The one in the middle obviously dead while the mouse was barely conscious, the canine struggling against the chains, all three of them had their mouths sewn shut. The snake smiled as he felt the mouse slowly stop struggling to take in the sight before him. “All of this just for you my love,” He looked down into the face of the crying angel, the mouse weeping as he was held against the table and forced to look at what had become of his boyfriend and two of his exes.
He could tell that the feeling of the back of his pants being pulled down as well as the sound of a zipper being pulled down barely registered with the mouse by the lack of reaction. He leaned his body over the mouse’s and slowly worked himself between his plush cheeks, eventually pushing in with a pleasured hiss as he claimed his prize.
The mouse jerked for a moment at first when he was taken from behind, looking on at the three tortured bodies in front of him. As the snake’s hips started to rhythmically slap against the mouse’s bottom he watched the note fall to the floor, smiling at the words written on it, ‘Our usual place, happy 5 year anniversary’ as the mouse began to moan out in pleasure. The lovers’ long game coming to an end with a night of passion before they started the year over again.